Smelly Pants & Rants

Due to health problems I haven't been able to keep this journal updated. So, for the time being my daily rantings will be posted at this link: http://www.simplyclaire.co.uk/smellypantsrants.htm

Why don't you pop over and drop me a line or two.

Supporting Jeans for Genes

Supporting Jeans for Genes
50 prompts
12 hrs
No preparation
Flash fiction
The Plan: To write as many flashes within 12hrs
I’m looking for sponsors to sponsor me in a 12hr flash-a-thon for Jeans for Genes day, which I’ll be doing through The Grail writers’ site: http://z3.invisionfree.com/The_Grail
Flashing will take place between 11am and 11pm on Friday 6th October 2006.
Sponsors can be for the whole event or per flash. All funds to go to Jeans for Genes.
Every penny counts.
If you would like to sponsor me, you can pay your sponsor money through Paypal or email me to post a cheque/postal order
If paying by Paypal please state that you are sponsoring Nickers/Claire
Paypal: thegrail ( AT ) ntlworld.com
Email me: cj002e7644 ( AT )blueyonder.co.uk
All those taking part will post their flashes as they write them on The Grail’s website: http://z3.invisionfree.com/The_Grail
OR, would you like to take part? Join The Grail forum now and sign up.
I thank you for your time,
Claire.

Did you know...

•in the UK, one baby in every 33 is born with a genetic disorder or birth defect – that’s one born every 30 minutes whose life could be affected?

• there are over 4,000 recognised genetic disorders, such as cystic fibrosis and ‘baby in the bubble’ syndrome?

• much more pioneering research is needed and that costs millions of pounds? Genetic diseases range widely in severity. Some have very little impact on the affected person’s life, while others are devastating and can lead to severe disability and even death in childhood. The only existing long term treatment for some forms of the more severe disorders is a bone marrow transplant (BMT). This is a highly risky procedure and is dependent on finding a suitable bone marrow donor and the child being well enough to undergo chemotherapy. For the majority of children with disorders which can be treated with a BMT, actually undergoing this procedure is not possible. New therapies, such as gene therapy, are currently being developed and have the potential to revolutionise the way genetic disorders are treated. It does not rely on finding a donor and recent breakthroughs are giving many families enormous hope that a cure for their child’s disorders is not too far away. Your support of Jeans for Genes will help to speed up the development of these pioneering new therapies.http://www.jeansforgenes.com

Twisted Tongue Flash Fiction Competition

Twisted Tongue's flash fiction competition ends 1st October. This will be TT's 3rd competition, prizes are now determined by entry fee, fixed percentage for fist place etc. (Min prize £20 for first place) Past winners are listed on the website.
Basic guidelines:
Word count: 500
Theme: Open
Fee: £1.50
Multiple entries are accepted.
Winners are published in Twisted Tongue magazine.
View website for complete details: http://www.twistedtongue.co.uk/competition.htm

A Simple Return...

Hello there, I'm back. After several months of health problems, I've finally managed to get back into the swing of things. My writing has suffered over these months, but I'm determined to get back at it.

Where to start, I have no idea! I'll have to read through my journal and see where I was... I dread to think how much I need to catch up on. For now I have a few announcements to make... will do those in a separate post though.

Brief update. A while ago I mentioned that a publisher was looking at my first novel, Barry... well, my novel was long-listed... but didn't make the cut. Never mind, I'm re-editing the novel and I plan to send it back out as soon as I can. Before you ask, I'm not disappointed... I'm well chuffed that the publishers actually asked to read the full novel. Maybe it was too gross for them... maybe I overdone the bad language... who knows, but there's no way I'm giving up on it.

I've started a new novel, Mirror Girl. I've been posting these chapters on UKAuthors - they still need a good edit though. A group of us on UKA has decided to Write A Novel In A Year (WANIAY), this started at the beginning of September, we set our own goal, mine is 70k, which means I must write 5,800 words per month to achieve this. I'm glad to say I've reached this months target.

I've just thought, I need to update my novel lengths above... will get onto that soon.

From the first of October I'll be starting another novel, this one I'm writing through NAY. This one is taken from a short story I had written. I'm not sure where to start yet... I'll worry about that next month.

And erm... I'm signed up to NANO too... write a novel in a month, well reach 50k words in a month... I don't have a clue what I'm doing for this one though.

So, that's three novels planned. Short story wise, I'm hoping to get time to edit some old ones and send them off to some mags... otherwise I'll be writing at least one new one per month as part of the Targeting thread on The Grail forum. Oh yeah, I'm also doing a flash-a-thon in a fortnight... will post more details soon.

And here was me saying I'm gonna take things slowly... and I've got two writers magazines to work on...

But at least the kids are back to school! So yippee!

Catch you all laters.

Nightmares and Kids...

Hey there, can someone please answer me this question – Why do kids have nightmares?

My wee one is driving me crazy! He keeps having the most bizarre dreams, he’s starting to freak me out too, and it takes quite a bit to scare me. Unless it has anything to do with clowns, mirrors, and spiders then I will shit myself!

Anyway, my wee one’s latest nightmare is very disturbing. He woke the other night screaming his little head off; he’s only six. When I managed to calm him down, I asked him why he was crying… he shrugged his shoulders and said he didn’t know.

A short while later the same happened again. So, he settles again, for a little bit.

He wakes up crying, this time he tells me that the bath-towels are trying to eat him… hhmmm, I ain’t heard of this one before, killer bath-towels… that’s original. I calm him down and he drops back off.

And he wakes again. This time there is a bath-towel in his bedroom, it wasn’t there before. He claims the bath-towel opened the door and tried to strangle him. So, I’m a bit peed off now, and I tell him off for going into the towel cupboard when he’s supposed to be sleeping. I close his door and go into my bedroom. I wait a few minutes for him to settle and I trod on back downstairs…

At the bottom of the stairs, I decide I want the book that I’m reading, which is in my bedroom. So, back up the stairs I go. I take two steps into my bedroom and freeze… there’s a bath-towel draped over my television and I’m positive it wasn’t there a few seconds ago…

Yup, I felt a bit creeped out. After a few minutes of telling myself that my little brat is winding me up, I get the courage to pick up the towel, fold it and put it away. I close my bedroom door and go back downstairs.

The following morning I wake up and head to the lavvy, as I always do in the morning, there’s a bath-towel hanging from my sons door handle… I questioned him about his dream and the towels and he looked at me as if I was a crazy woman and said he didn’t have a bad dream… he also claims he never took any towels out of the cupboard…

Do I believe him? Well he did look as if he was telling the truth…

Maybe it’s me who needs a shrink!

How Do I Kiss...

Ooooer! I'm really very shy...

Part Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

Part Freaky Kisser

When you kiss, you want to experience something new A new technique, a new partner, a new piercing... And your own personal kissing style is very unpredictable There's no saying where your tongue or hands will go

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Blinkies...

I promise to make this short and sweet. I mean it! I’ve just found out what Blinkies are, ain’t they great! I’ve pasted a load into my pictures file on my pc. I’ve also added links to places where I copied the blinkies from too, it’s common courtesy.

Here are a few of my favourites, to see more just click on my links.

The Book Files

The Book Files

I Have No Idea...

These weeks are passing by so quickly! Won’t be long for Christmas now!
I do love that time of year… Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, oh what fun… sorry, I forgot myself there for a moment.
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Right then, let’s chat about what’s happened here this past week.
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It’s amazing what you can learn about yourself with these little quizzes.
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Apparently, I’m super sensitive and I’m able to understand situations. I didn’t realise that I was that sensitive, then again, I do get a bad rash when I wax, so yup I agree I’m super sensitive. I guess I can solve complex problems and make decisions fast, I wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that I can’t be arsed wasting my time on stuff like that, hence a quick resolution. My path is supposed to be always clear, bollocks! You ain’t seen the amount toys my kids have left sprawled all over the floor. Me a visionary… well, I can imagine men naked easily…
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I wonder why I scare people away though…
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Well the quizzes were right about me not being a big drinker, *falls off chair with laughter* me easily carried away too! Never!
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I hadn’t realised Mike Tyson was my Daddy… I wonder how much money I can get from him… but at least he took me to Disney Land, I think… I must have drunk that much I can’t remember it!
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And as for me being a dark mysterious person, I honestly think that’s spot on.
I know I really should go and see the doctor; I’m terrible for these quizzes. Anyway, you’ve got a cheek to complain, I bet you play with them too!
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Okay, enough about the quizzes lets take a peek at what’s happened this week. I have a new friend, yay!
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Michael Acton yup, the writer I wrote about last week. What do you mean you never read it! Why? Go read it now! He was impressed with the feedback he received so he decided to start his own journal, please pop over and give him some support.
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I’ve been through loads of sites lately; far too many to mention… most of the people who I have contacted have left messages in my tag box, go browse them. Don’t do it now! You’re supposed to be reading this first! What are you like? Am I boring you? Good!
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Ah yes, back on Monday was my little flash fiction piece based on something that happened when my daughter was just a wee one… she was lovely back then, she never back answered, unlike now. Teenagers can be a pain… but then again, so was I at that age!
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Shall I bother going into what I wrote on Tuesday? The stuff about my writing. Stuff it! If you’re interested in it, then go take a peek. Oh yes, my website has been updated too. The link is up there at the top. I couldn’t be bothered to stick a link here.
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Hope you enjoyed my choice of Book and Film review; if there’s a certain one you’d like me to review just give me a shout.
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And we are now up to this week’s writer Alan Ingram. He is rather shy so go give him a boost. I’m sure you’ll get a laugh from his writing. I know I did… and I meant that in a nice way, or do I…
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That’s it for tonight. I really must get my piece finished for the challenge on UKA, it needs posted this Monday, I am so behind!
See you another time.

What Element Am I...

You know what, I think this could be right...

The dark, night sky is your element. Although it's
not really considered an element. You are a
dark and mysterious person. Just like the night
sky.

What is your element?( for girls /pretty anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

A Film Called - The Amityville Horror

Hey there, it’s Friday night and time for a film.

Tonight’s movie is The Amityville Horror.



I presume you know the story behind this film... well it is a remake. This time round it seems more of a fantasy than non-fiction. This updated version is brought up to date, but once again, the biggest let down is the scare factors, they have used the old typical cheap shot scare antics.

Some horror fans will love this while others will hate it and tear it apart. My opinion, well the story line is strong, and there are some new added bits to it, which weren’t in the first one. I did enjoy this, one bit sticks in my mind and that is a bedroom scene where the couple are having sex… and small figure suddenly appears standing at the bottom of the bed.

You must know the storyline, but for those who don’t here’s a very brief rundown:

The Lutz’s move into a house in Long Island, they thought the house was a dream come true… Unknown to them the previous tenants were horrifically murdered. Once the Lutz’s are settled in, strange things happen in the house. George becomes possessed with the spirits, just like the last tenant who slaughtered his family.

Nickelback - How You Remind Me

My fav' song from Nickelback...

Video code provided by HotCodez.com

A Writer Called - Alan Ingram...

Hey there, welcome back.

This week’s writer is Alan Ingram from Corby Northants; he's a 42yr old who works for Oxford University Press. He enjoys scribbling for a hobby, which he started doing when he was 40. He would like to see some of his stories appear on screen as plays or dramas. I hope he succeeds too.

He does not have a website of his own or a journal, but his writings, poetry and prose can be found here, ABCtales & UKAuthors.

Because of You, is my favourite piece of his. It’s full of raw emotion and it’s very touching. His MSN one, well I couldn’t stop laughing at that one. I’m sure you will love that one too. Things Can Only Get Better, what a sense of humour he has; it’s another favourite of mine.

I hope you enjoy these few that I have chosen. Read the snippets and simply click to read the full piece. Enjoy.

Because of You... by Alan Ingram

Monday is now hate day. And when I wake, the first thing I think of is you. I am consumed with hate for you and for the things you have or I think you have done. On this hate day I talk to myself and let out my frustration through stifled agonised screams…I say the word why a lot and I punch vacant air, slap walls and pound wooden doorframes…I hope sincerely these aren’t a substitute for your face.
Click here to read the rest.

Taking a Dip or Trying To and Failing to Cajole a Shag out of Girls on MSN by Alan Ingram

And as for you being a Swordfish, well that was the first fish that jumped in my head, I’ve seen your picture on MSN and I would say you’re more of a Halibut or a Brill…no, no a Halibut it is because like I say I’ve seen your picture and you’re definitely not that Brill.
Click here to read the rest.

Things Can Only Get Better by Alan Ingram

‘OOOO! No!’ He said. ‘Mine’s ok…it’s yours my friend, I mean mine certainly doesn’t need a magnifying glass for detection.’ This nodded remark was in my todgers direction, which I thought was rather tart for someone I’d only just met.
Click here to read the rest.

My Daddy...

Erm... well...

 

Your Daddy Is Mike Tyson

What You Call Him: Old Man Why You Love Him: He takes you to Disneyland

                        

Who's Your Daddy?

A Book Called – Erebus by Shaun Hutson

Hello there again, thanks for popping by. Leave me a message or tag me and I’ll have a peek at your journal too, or website.

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The book I’m talking about this week is Shaun Hutson’s Erebus.

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I’m a pretty big fan of his works and I now own quite a few of his books. They’re all well written, straightforward, and packed with violence and gore. Something that I love in horror books.

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Tyler returns back home to the family farm when his father recently dies. With the help of Jo, a newspaper reporter with a background she wishes to remain a secret, they discover the livestock’s food has been tampered with. Chemicals have been added to it, poisoning the animals which is passed on to humans… Vendenburg Chemicals have a lot to answer to in the rural town of Wakely.

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If you’ve enjoyed Resident Evil, you will love this book. Hutson’s descriptions are enough to churn even the strongest stomach out there. This book repulsed me, but I had to keep on reading. And he really doesn’t give damn about using swear words which adds attitude to his novels. A must read in my eyes.

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Basically, its gory, scary, several questions are raised throughout the story, but all is wrapped up well by the end. An ending that I didn’t expect…

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Synopsis:

Wakely was just a small farming community but something was terribly wrong there. Something wrong with the livestock, with the people. Something unspeakable. Perpetuated by the mysterious Venderburg Chemicals Group who sought to protect its interests and secrets no matter what the cost to the people of Wakely or, indeed, to the rest of mankind. And who would have thought that red meat could be so deadly?

Addicted to Live Journals...

Well I'm no where near that... yet!

You Know You're Addicted to LiveJournal When...

If you can't access the site, you have a minor freak out - and a major case of hitting reload. You found yourself composing journal entries during dates, movies, even sex! When you're out, you suddenly think of a witty reply to a comment somebody made to you... several days ago. You actually call it LJ and not Livejournal. Check. You've downloaded some sort of LJ program which has only the purpose of making entries easier to write without going on the site manually. You consider it a great offense if someone deletes you off their friend's list. The first thing you do every day when you go online is check your friends journals - even before checking your email. You actually paid money for a few extra pictures with a full account when you could actually just alternate pics when you want to for your screen icons. When your friends ask what's new, you get mad at them because you already wrote it in your LJ and they didn't check it yet. You have put more time into LJ than all your assignments for the semester. You have more friends on LJ than in real life. You've met at laest 50% of your LJ friends. You can't seem to call your friends by their real names - only LJ names will do. You've fallen in love with someone you met on LJ. You have posted about a party or get together on your LJ... and random strangers showed up. You are guilty of traveling more than an hour to meet someone with LiveJournal. (Extra points for traveling five hours or more) You've written a protected entry about one of your LiveJournal friends. (Extra points if they eventually found out about it) You have written posts to notify people you're going to sleep. You talk about your LJ friends to your real life friends all the time... like they're a part of your group. You've created a LJ community, and people actually post in it. You've been recognized in real live by a fellow LJ'er. You have friended someone because of their LiveJournal icon. You have "pity friends" on your list, who you would defriend if you could. You've pimped one of your friends on journal, trying to get people to friend him / her. Instead of doing research, you post difficult questions on your LiveJournal. Your pets all have their own LiveJournals. You know, right now, how many people have friended you (without peeking). You've stopped being friends with someone in real life because of something they've said on LJ. You're guilty of posting sexy or nude pictures to get more people to friend you. You have consoled yourself after a horrible day thinking "At least this will make a great LJ post" You're jealous of people who have more friends and / or comments than you. You have written a really great, solid post - only to be disappointed by the lack of good comments. You're guilty of commenting excessively to get more traffic to your journal. You've deleted a post a few minutes (or hours) after you've written it, because it seemed lame in retro spect. You give shout outs to all your LJ friends on their birthdays. You have an additional, secret journal that hardly anyone knows about. You've broken up with someone - or ended a friendship - soley via LiveJournal. You have gotten mean anonymous comments (bonus points for figuring out who it was via their IP) You've been reported (or reported someone) to LJ Abuse. You've been featured on LJ Drama. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are LJ addicts.

Get Your Own Addicted Meme Here

More cool things for your blog at Blogthings

On Writing...

Hey there, thank you for popping in and having a look at this, I'll make this as short as possible... so it's Tuesday, time for me to talk a little about my writing.
My short story Grumpy Old Man is to be published in UKAuthors Anthology, due approx November. I haven’t heard back from the others, it has been a while now so I’m taking it that they don’t want to use what I subbed to them. I haven’t sent anything else out, yet. I keep meaning too, but I keep putting it off.

I’m still working on the usual pieces. Barry is once again at a stand still.

However, I’m plodding along, getting deeper into The Hell of War, here is a very brief outline, it's very basic at the minute:

Set in the First World War, Jimmy meets a man called Billy. They set off on a mini quest through the trenches, but Jimmy has no idea what it is. They befriend a group of frightened Germans hiding in an abandoned dugout who take them hostage. They ask them questions and torture them. One by one, the Germans are killed. Jimmy and Billy have no idea by whom, they break free. Many questions are raised. Then night settles in, an everlasting darkness. Inside that darkness something chases them, it’s after a certain object that Billy has, an object that Billy must get to his destination.

The first two parts can be read on my website here.

As usual, the shorts are still being edited over and over again. I have quite a few short stories written but no matter what I do to them, I’m never happy with them. Maybe it’s time to place them at the bottom of a drawer for a while.

I really need to finish all projects that I have started before getting into new ones… I’m saying that and I’m planning to start a new piece for a challenge! That’s so typical of me!

My biggest problem with my writing is my grammar. I’ve listed a few things to help with that in my forum here. If you have anymore hints and tips on grammar then please give me a shout. I am so blind when it comes to editing my own works... it’s very annoying!

I don’t want to ramble on too much. Some of my pieces can be viewed on my website, as well as my nasty attempts at poetry. I can’t write poetry to save my life. Right, that’s it this week.

Oh yes, nearly forgot. Here is a reader's comment about Still Life that was published in Scifantastic Magazine.

Feedback:

Just read Scifantastic from cover to cover.What a great choice of stories – my favourites were, I’M A COOK, COLD HANDS, WARM HEART, and STILL LIFE. Yes, okay, my stomach turned when on the menu was Fried Human Infant in I’m a cook, but I can forgive almost anything when a story is so well written. The same applied to Still Life. Made my skin crawl but couldn’t stop reading it. It fits in with the amateur sleuth in me/ the whole world it seems, and I was gruesomely interested in how the crime was committed, very CSI. The ending I liked.

If you ain't read it yet, go get yourself a copy now!

What Drink Am I...

Hahahahaha...

You Are a Mai Tai

You aren't a big drinker, but you'll drink if the atmosphere is festive. And when you're drunk, watch out! You're easily carried away.

What Mixed Drink Are You?

Ain't Kids Funny...

I nearly forgot what I had planned for a Monday… I was going to write a load of bollocks about sod all, and then I remembered that I said I was going to use Monday’s for talking about my family.

Well last week I mentioned a small bit about my youngest son. So, I’ll have to do something about one of the others, I have five kids to choose from… okay, I’ll start with my eldest.

This is a piece of flash fiction based on a little something that my daughter said to me, something that makes me laugh every time I think about it:

Out on a walk, passing by a high spiked metal fence with a white plastic object embedded between the spikes, my husband winked at me and said to our six year old daughter, “I told you dinosaurs came out at night. Look up there - one of them tried to eat this fence and got his tooth pulled out instead.”

She jumped up and down, smiling with amazement at seeing a real life dinosaurs’ tooth.

Continuing on our walk, our daughter and I fell behind. She tugged at my arm and said, “Mammy, we can’t come back this way.”

Very concerned I asked, “Why, is something wrong?”

She replied, “No, but if we do come back this way daddy won’t be happy.”

“Why is that dear?”

“He will look at the dinosaur tooth again and he might see it’s just a plastic cup.”
“Oh! I see,” I said amused.

“I don’t want daddy sad, you know what he’s like with dinosaurs, he’s a bigger kid than me.”

Scary Quizz...

Tis a load of nonsense!

You Are Scary

You even scare scary people sometimes!

How scary are you?